Three AM
by HeadlessHuntsman
Summary: This is a glimpse into the nights in the life of Hermione when she can't sleep


**A/N: This is a story that popped into my head the other day. It follows Hermione through her life in a series of glimpses. The premise is Hermione cannot sleep on the night before what will be a big day. This goes into her thoughts and feelings on those nights.**

**Three AM**

Hermione rolled over and looked at her alarm clock. It was 3 am and she couldn't sleep. This didn't surprise her, she had never been able to sleep before a big day, and tomorrow was the biggest. She was going to her new school. The funny man has said she was a witch and she had magical abilities. It did explain a lot of things that had happened but she wasn't quite sure the man hadn't made a mistake, until she got her wand. Nothing had ever felt quite so correct, so suitable as her wand.

She looked at the foot of her bed and mentally went over the contents of her trunk, comparing it the the list she had memorized. She wanted to make sure she had everything she needed. She wondered what the other students would be like. She had never fit in with her other classmates. She had either been too smart or too weird for the other students. She hoped she could make friends.

If she was honest with herself that was what really worried her. What if she was still too weird or smart for the other kids to like her.

She turned on her bedside lamp and pulled out the book she had come to really like. "Hogwarts: A History." Her mum had bought it for her, saying she could never be too prepared. "No one ever said, 'Gee I wish I had prepared less," her mum said.

She looked at her clock and sighed. She opened the book and started reading. 'Maybe this school will be different.'

-ooo-

She hated waiting. The last few days had been unbearable and she wasn't sleeping very well. She looked over at the other bed in the room. She could see Ginny's sleeping form. This was going to be hard on her, on everyone really. Hermione just hoped she would be ready when the time came. Bill's wedding was tomorrow and she was sure it wouldn't be long after that until the three of them would be gone. She sat up and looked out the window at the large tent in the yard. Bill was lucky he had found someone special to love. Hermione wondered if she would ever be able to tell Ron how she felt. She shook herself. This was not the time to be thinking like that. She would need to have all of her focus and concentration if they were going to win.

She looked over at her dress and beaded bag that were laying out. She went through the contents of the bag in her mind again. She knew that once they left they would not be able to come back; it worried her that she would need something left behind. Something left behind. These words made her think of Ginny again. It was just so unfair for her. She had finally managed to get Harry to see her for what she was, all too soon it was over. She knew it would hurt Harry just as much as Ginny. Harry didn't know how to do anything halfway and this apparently included loving. There was that word again, love. She tried to keep herself from thinking about that. The red hair, the blue eyes the silly toothy grin.

'Stop it!' she chided herself. If they made it out of this alive then she would think about that. The last thing they needed was for emotion and hormones to get in the way.

She climbed back into her bed and stared at the ceiling. It was going to be a long year.

-ooo-

Hermione jerked awake and panicked. She looked at the clock and realized she had only been asleep for a few hours. She dreamed she had overslept and had to go to the ceremony undressed. Tomorrow would be the day she had thought about since she was a little girl. She used to laugh at the people who said silly things like "tomorrow is the first day of the rest of the life." She now knew what they meant. She had never been sure of much when it came to dealing with people or her own emotions really, but she was sure of this. She never wanted anything in her life more than this. She looked at the white satin dress hanging on the back of her door and the tiara sitting on her dresser.

She looked at the picture of the two of them that was taken the summer after the war. They both looked so different then and everything was new and uncertain. They had been through a lot, including a time apart when they both had gotten scared of their feelings. They were kidding themselves. Now everyday was like something out of a cheesy book. She could not see her life without him and if she was certain of nothing else she knew she loved him and he loved her.

'Yeah tomorrow was going to be a big day', she thought. But she was ready. Ready to be one half of a whole.

-ooo-

She sat in a chair in her room. She had not even tried to sleep in the bed, their bed. Tomorrow would be the services. She couldn't even cry anymore. Everything just felt numb. She once again had to bottle her feelings and emotions for the sake of others. Rose, Hugo and the twins would need her to be strong. Hugo and Rose were old enough to understand but the twins were only seven. She thought back. She was only seven when her grandfather died. She could barely remember his face or his mannerisms now. Would it be the same for Ronnie and Minnie. Would they forget their father. His smile, his laugh, his smell and mostly his love. She was determined that would not happen.

She looked at his side of the bed and once again the tears, she thought we gone, started to fall. Everyone thought she was the strong one. The one who held it all together. It was actually him that was the stronger one. The one she held on to when things got rough. He was gone and she didn't have the first clue as to what she would do without him.

She was a mother she should be able to comfort her children. What could she say or do that could possibly help. It was especially hard on Rose. With her being a healer and still having to confront the senseless death and being powerless to do anything about it. Hermione was just glad Scorpius came back. If anyone was able to help Rose figure things out it was him.

There were so many decisions to be made now. Was she going to keep working or quit until the twins went to school? She thanked Merlin money wasn't going to be an issue. She and Ron had made sure of that; never living beyond their means and investing in the shops with George.

She was just so tired and just wanted to curl up and cease. Sometimes it hurt too much to breathe and other times it felt as if it was all happening to someone else.

'It wasn't fair,' she moaned to herself. She quickly chided herself for feeling that. Life wasn't fair, the sooner she accepted that and dealt with it the sooner she could help her children.

Hugo was her only child she wasn't worried about. Which was odd because when he was little, he was the child she had worried the most about. He was always sick as a baby and there were several times she was sure he wasn't going to make it. Ron had never given up. He had always had faith and hope, even when everything was darkest with Hugo, Ron had been the one. It was up to her now to be the strong, faithful and hopeful one. She wasn't sure she could do it. She wasn't even sure she wanted to, but she would. She owed Ron that much, if not a whole lot more.

-ooo-

Tomorrow was going to be a big day, naturally Hermione was awake. The twins were starting Hogwarts tomorrow. What they didn't know was that their mother was starting there tomorrow as well. Hermione had been offered several teaching positions over the last few years, turning them all down in favor of staying home and raising the twins. When the position of Professor of Transfiguration came open this year, it just seemed like the right time. Hermione hadn't told the children yet for several reasons not the least of which was for some small measure of revenge for being the butt of so many of their jokes and pranks. She smiled. She really couldn't wait to see their faces when her name was announced.

She sighed and sat up. It really was no use in trying to sleep. She decided to double check and make sure she had everything. This constant checking and rechecking used to drive Ron crazy. Ron. She was to a point where she had almost gone a day without thinking about him. It was hard for her to believe he had already been gone four years, while at the same time it was hard to believe he had only been gone four years. Sometimes it felt like it had been forever then there were times it felt like it was yesterday.

She was going back to where it all started. Back to where she first felt like she belonged. She hoped this would help her, she needed to restart her life and what better place than where she felt it had started the first time.


End file.
